I, Brandon

• Sam will lose out on a few mil by falling a few spots, but he'll land in a better situation with a better team. Good for the long term IMO. #
• Not gonna lie. Beating a ranked team on the road minus Bradford, Gresham and Murray like #OU did is actually kind of impressive. Good jorb. #
• Also, it looks like the Sooners did okay. #
• Spent all day at the Utah/Air Force game, which was a really good one. I'll be hearing "We must protect this house" guy for a week though. #
• You know mark skolnick is doing some
  hardcore stuff when it confuses even Dinesh. #utchof #
• Eric Schmidt: no new ideas in secondary education. Need to empower people to innovate. With google of course. #utchof #
• Eric schmidt: "don't be evil" is still guiding #google. #utchof #
• Listening to #google's Eric Schmidt talk about reinventing the power grid. Cool, exciting stuff #utchof #
• Sometimes I come across a link that simply overloads my system and I have nothing snarky or witty to say…http://is.gd/4y6FY #GUNS #toomuch #
• RT @russpage: You've seriously got to see this video. Unbelievable. http://digg.com/d3181vv?t #
• Heading out to the #Utes game tomorrow. Anyone tailgating? Or is that not such a big thing up at the U? I can bring tuna salad!! (not rly) #
• RT @Thatcher: The Omen 16: Weekend at Damien's
  #dullesthorrormoviesever #
• Pumpkinhead II: Seriously, Stop Laughing and Help Me Get This Thing Off My Head #dullesthorrormoviesever #
• Demarco Murray doubtful for Saturday, per James Hale. The Cursed Season marches on. #OU #
• RT @SI_CoryMC: @bscarter is the winner of SI.com's Tweet of the Week. Thanks for the entries. (Whoo hoo!) #
• If the #TU offense had any balance, they'd be unstoppable. #
• RT @sproutmarketing: New Sprout blog post: Twitter Explains the Trending Topics http://is.gd/4uikz #
• You know the office is going down a weird path when this picture is being passed around: http://bit.ly/4DOFE0 #nightmarefuel #
• RT @BFeldmanESPN: SEC officiating crew from Ark-UF game suspended til Nov. 14: "There must be accountability in our officiating program" LOL #
• RT @SoonerSportscom Bradford has cancelled press conference slated for Wed. Bradford still gathering information. #
• RT @wasatchwoman: We are powerful! Women generate $3T for U.S. economy: http://bit.ly/4BsPgy (Need to ask my wife for a loan) #
• RT @kathystephenson: Personal chef giving away a gourmet dinner for 4. http://blogs.sltrib.com/food #SLC #
• Wife is having a heckuva time trying to get a veggie or meat platter in #Utah. Smiths & Sunflower just put her on hold. Any recommendations? #

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The terrified bug eyed looks. The sadistic emotionless face of Ronald. The Hamburglar, who has a serious hamburger addiction issue, prepares to give in to his habit with lustful glee.

It’s not in the photo, but to the side of this scene is a river, where Grimace, pantsless as always, is attacking the fish. In other scenes, Birdie the Early Bird flies away with a chicken McNugget that is desperately reaching out for it’s mother* with tears streaming down it’s nuggety face. The mother has her own issues, as Mayor McCheese has declared her his next “intern.”

Nightmare Fuel.

Click on the pic to get a larger version. This is part of a mural painted on the walls of a McDonald’s in Sandy, Utah. A mural of terror.

*- I’ll assume it was a mother. I’m not up to speed on the sex characteristics of McNuggets. If I find something out, I will report it to you.

• Mizzou isn't that great but Weatherspoon is a beast. Looking at Robinson and Toston banged up – are OK teams cursed this year? good gawd. #
• Does anyone have a decent offense this year? #
• Whoa, Gators. Arky pulls ahead. #
• Retracting earlier statement – Texas and Bama are the best teams. Ark has no business being in this game AT FL. But hey, Tebow in slo-mo! #
• I always dread FL comeback wins, because they're accompanied by tales of how Tebow "willed" the team or "put them on his shoulders." Pssh. #
• Texas has some strengths, but I think there's no doubt the Tebows and the Bammers are the two best teams in the nation. #
• Well, on one hand, #OU hung in there with half the team hurt…on the other hand, five turnovers, dumb penalties…OU had plenty of chances #
• We can't expect our defense to win every game for us #OU. That being said, they're pure measts. #
• I'll see your embarrassing #OU vid, and raise you with this awesome #UT chick vid http://is.gd/4noRV #
• I've heard this about Tebow from just about every one who knows him. "Are you friends with Tebow?" Colt McCoy: "Uh, no." http://is.gd/4n12Q #
• RT @ESPN_Big12: Sooners get some good news with Broyles and Carter set to start – http://tinyurl.com/ykfvcpx #
• Everyone heading to #ACU for homecoming, have a great time and Go Cats! Ya'll be safe on the road down south. #
• The genius that is @LSUfreek http://i.tsn.com/i/photos/20091016/126820.gif I love the cameo by the Stache #OU #texassucks #
• If you're a football Xs & Os geek, this post by @smartfootball breaking down the OU runn game is delightful http://tinyurl.com/yzf86wo #
• The boy treats Costco to his unique musical stylings, thanks to the Singing Machine http://twitpic.com/lofvp #
• Cue 100 blog posts about how social media drove panic/misinformation/curiosity/etc during the epic #balloonboy crisis #
• Even if it is a hoax, this balloon thing is fairly compelling. Reminds me of the baby girl stuck in the well in the 80s. Hope it ends well. #
• Explaining to @alexkoritz that Incubus wasn't always a sissy pop band. Back in the day, they made the Djembe cool http://is.gd/4l9zf #
• I think Twitter is eating my Tweets. Or maybe it's Seesmic. #
• Good, not great, effort by TU. If they had an o-line that was decent they could've won. As it is, time to move to bigger things.. like OU/TX #
• RT @SoonerFootball: Former Oklahoma receiver Johnson: WR Broyles will play against Texas #Sooners http://3.ly/rTT (O rly?) #
• I've been on the #googlewave list for a while but no invite. Hugs and kisses (& public gratitude) to whomever among you sends invite my way #
• RT @samsims: Flaming Lips on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien last night. Yes!! http://bit.ly/ghcW5 #
• RT @calanan: Stunning vintage photo of Niagara Falls in winter – be sure to check it out full-sized! http://is.gd/4jpcD (via @shorpy) #
• Changed my avatar to former TU linebacker Nick Bunting to show some solidarity for their big game against Boise tomorrow. Go Cane. #
• Sounds like @thesportsanimal has again turned into The Poltical Animal. Boring. Switching over to old friend Ian Fitzsimmons on 103.3 Dallas #
• Listening to the Stoops press conference. I get the feeling #OU is fairly comfortable in the underdog role. #
• http://twitpic.com/l9nok – A gift from my old Utah Jazz colleagues was waiting on my desk today. I didn't know Mo Williams had hairy sho … #
• http://twitpic.com/l9hfy – Here in Utah, the lines on parking lots are mere suggestions. They don't let it hinder creativity. #
• RT @wasatchwoman: Know an amazing woman in Utah? Nominate her for WasatchWoman of the Year (until Oct 15): http://www.wasatchwoman.com/ #

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“Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt and live like it’s heaven on Earth.” -Mark Twain

I’m not really into quotes. Particularly on Twitter, where they’re unavoidable. Some folks Tweet a quote out like it’s a new revelation, or the answer to some worldwide problem. My personal favorites are when people come up with a quote, then give themselves credit.

“Life’s greatest lessons can be achieved if you believe and are motivated to maximize your personal potential every day regardless of how hard the world makes it for you to succeed in life, which is in fact your goal and only your goal in the same way that the sun seeks only to give out light, radiant in it’s vibrancy and magnified by the beautiful creations God has placed before us to motivate us and achieve life’s greatest lessons.” -Brandon Carter

Shaq can get away with it, because you can imagine the big guy snickering while typing away some motivational BS. At least he’s paid to play basketball. Unlike Zig Ziglar, whose income is seemingly designed around creating inspirational quotes.

I try my hardest to be positive and see the best in each person/scenario. But like cheesy song lyrics, I can’t help but turn up the snarkometer when I see inspirational quotes from Zig or Tony Robbins.

“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” – Zig Ziglar

What the hell does this mean? Is it supposed to be as obvious as it is? Is Zig telling me that people are lazy, or is he saying I need to keep up a constant job search, even if I’m gainfully employed? Do we need to be job hunting addicts, begging for leads on the street from strangers, trading oral sex for a decent referral, breaking into houses to sneak a peek at Monster.com? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME, SENSAI?! I HAVE A NEW JOB BUT I DON’T WANT TO WORK, BECAUSE WELFARE IS AWESOME!

Why not just say “A lot of people are lazy.”

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing-that’s why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar

We get it Zig, you got tapes and books to sell. You probably also bathe in purified holy water pulled directly from the tears of a unicorn. Daily.

Remember, you can earn more money, but when time is spent it’s gone forever.~Zig Ziglar

What about time spent with Zig Ziglar motivational products? Zig takes everything!

“Before you change your thinking, you have to change what goes into your mind.” Zig Ziglar

Preferably some Zig Ziglar motivational tapes?

If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. Tony Robbins

Like job searching always gets you jobs, even when you already have one? Or maybe how people start new jobs and they stop working? Wild!

Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.-Zig Ziglar

Unless that failure happens to be the failure to stay alive. In that case, it’s sort of a dead-end.

There is no such thing as failure. There are only results. – Tony Robbins

Oh snap Zig! Quit talkin ’bout stuff that doesn’t exist!

You cannot make it as wandering generality. You must become a meaningful specific. -Zig Ziglar

This quote is like an enigma wrapped inside a mystery in the mind of a brain dead junkie. Specifically, what in the world do you mean, Zig? I’m specifically confused.

Success is dependent upon the glands – sweat glands – Zig Ziglar

Clearly Patrick Ewing read this.

“In life you need either inspiration or desperation.” — Tony Robbins

Zig would throw in perspiration with those, Tony.

Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible. Tony Robbins

And Tony Robbins just gave away the new ending to “Where the Wild Things Are”

I’ve been to plenty of places where bad vehicle etiquette is commonplace. Dallas had death-defying freeway drivers. Tulsa has lots of rubberneckers. Abilene was full of people who couldn’t park to save their lives.

Utah is the first place I’ve lived that combines all of these into one. The drivers here are insane – they’ll barge through three lanes, cut you off, then flip you the bird simply for being in the area they decided to fly into. They do this in Dallas, but they’re very methodical about it – they have a plan. In Utah, they drive like Rex Grossman plays football – as if to say, “F@$# it, I’m changing lanes and I don’t care who has to bail out to avoid hitting me.”

It’s strange because they’re usually quite nice outside of vehicles, but give them a piece of anonymity I guess, and they’ll raise hell like most folks.

I’m not bold enough to capture their highway antics – I have a hard enough time dealing with my own car; I can’t handle trying to take snap shots of the crazy bastards around me.

However, I have started a small collection of their parking misdeeds. This place is full of people entirely incapable of fitting in between two lines, whether it be due to their massive vehicles (“Mormon Minivan” typically refers to large ships on wheels, aka the Escalade, Denali, Expedition, etc), or sheer laziness.

I suppose somewhere in the universe theres a poetic element to it, akin to a child that cannot (or chooses not to) color in between the lines. Since most people are stuck behind cubicles and computers for little money and raising children, they can only express themselves in abstract ways – parking obtusely being preferable to taking an art class or learning decoupage I guess.

Here are some recent favorites…

We don’t need no stinking lines!

Here’s a car at Whole Foods. At least this one is out of the way

One lady (yes, I’ve seen her get out of the MakingUpForSmallGenitaliaMobile she drives) who shares our parking lot simply can not park to save her life. In fact, she can’t even do a bad job – she does an awful job. What’s worse is that she parks badly in the good spaces, in the middle of where everyone else tries to park.

Unacceptable. At least midlife crisis Corvette guy parks diagonally in the back of the lot.

Two stalls are not enough for her. She often takes three, and a couple times has ventured into the rarefied air of the four-spacer. Why a lady needs such a massive machine, when she clearly has no concept of how to properly operate it, is beyond me.

From BSCARTER.com

See that? utmatrix.com is run by people who DON’T KNOW HOW TO PARK.

The rare, vaunted Four-Spacer. A remarkable feat indeed.

• Though it is #OU/texas week, don't forget to throw some love toward Tulsa, who plays the Blue Potato Aggies at home on Wednesday #
• RT @espn_onthetrail: Texas lineman Daryl Williams picks Oklahoma over Missouri – http://tinyurl.com/yhzqpa7 (Does he know snap counts?) #
• Gameday heading to Dallas for #OU – Tejas. #
• Count me among those who say #Bama is the best team in the nation. Even if FL beats LSU tonight, Bama is more complete. Their D is scary. #
• Well not awful outside of dropped balls and red zone issues. Good enough to beat Baylor, but #OU will get killed by UT making those mistakes #
• Whoa, @don_osmond's Antarctica quest got him on PRnewser. Sorry to see you lost, but that's a nice hit. Ring the bell! http://bit.ly/17Q9Qj #
• RT @SoonerSportscom: Sam Bradford will start for the Sooners against Baylor on Saturday. (Whoa) #
• Somewhere in Provo. Or Orem. Or Springville. Or Pleasant Grove. Waiting to meet with the folks at BYU. Somewhere. #
• Twitter done gone to sleep I guess #
• RT @CFTalk: Deion Sanders at the root of Dez's eligibility issue? http://is.gd/43r4X #collegefootball #
• *runs over to OSU message boards to observe* Little schadenfreude from me though, Lord knows #OU has been in the situation before. #
• Dez Bryant ruled ineligible at Okie St. Seems they're determined not to let OU have the gutter to themselves this season. Your turn, TU. #
• RT @trey_brown: WOW RT @NewsOKSports: OSU has just issued a statement that Dez Bryant has been ruled ineligible. #
• ESPN the Magazine's body issue, featuring Purple Jesus, Phil Loadholt and other massive types http://insider.espn.go.com/insider/magazin … #
• Dang Facebook account got hacked…and splayed spam across my friends' walls. Bastards. #
• RT @jnshimko: There are three things I have learned you should never discuss with people; religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin. #
• Midvale smells like a big Grateful Dead concert for some reason. #
• Watching light snow come down outside the office window. I for one welcome winter's early arrival. #
• 11 days in OK, a couple football games and a successful high school reunion later, we're back. Work will seem easy after that vacation. #

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• Well, thank goodness for whiskey #OU. Still a lovely vacation in OK. #
• Sad to see the other (and clearly more popular) Brandon Carter on Twitter (from Texas Tech FB) got hammered by his coach. Tough. #
• Glad to be back in Mounds, Oklahoma for a few days. #

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